so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
