I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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