Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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