I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
