evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
