I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize