I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
