whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
