my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
