having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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