Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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