so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
