i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
