My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
