He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
