his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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