She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
