Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
