9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
