Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize