its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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