Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
