i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
