Screwed.edu
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
