I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
