Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
