it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
