I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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