My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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