im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
