Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
