Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
