I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
