Christians are straight up FREAKS
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
