My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
