There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She needs sedatives and a leash
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize