maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
