Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
