Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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