the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
