i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
