I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
