glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
