dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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