New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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