guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
