you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
