I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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