i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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