i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
