hotel room ftw
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
