Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
