how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
