So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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