I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize