Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just cropdusted the office
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
