I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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