I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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