It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
