We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
