I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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