i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
