I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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