We're like a lot better than the average bears
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
