the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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