I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
