So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
