I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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