Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
